Funniest but hardest quiz in the world

Ask someone these questions if they think there smart!

Question: there’s 500 bricks on a plane, drop 10 outside. how many bricks are left?

Answer: 490

Question: What are the 3 steps for putting an elephant in a fridge?

Answer: 1: open the fridge 2: put elephant in. 3: close fridge.

Question: What are the 4 steps for putting a deer in the fridge?

Answer: 1: open fridge. 2: take elephant out. 3: put deer in. 4: close fridge.

Question: Its the lion kings birthday, all the animals are there exept one, which one?

Answer: the deer, because it’s still in the fridge.

Question: How can an old woman cross a swamp filled with crocodiles?

Answer: she just crossed it normally, the crocodiles are at the lion kings birthday.

Question: In the end the old lady still died, how?

Answer: She died because she got hit by the 10 bricks..

If anyone can answer all those questions they are a genius haha

So Funny Phone Conversation.. Must Read

A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day.

Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers,he dialed the employee's cell phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.

"Hello."
"Is your daddy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, "No."

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman"

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy", whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," the whisper answered.

Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A helicopter." answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.

Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed the helicopter."

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle. "ME.!

Too Funny.. Must Read

A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married.

She put an ad in the local paper that read:

HUSBAND WANTED! MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's), MUST NOT BEAT ME, MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME, AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED! ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

On the second day she heard the doorbell.

Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman with no arms or legs sitting in a wheelchair.

The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you ... you have no legs!"

The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!"

She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!"

Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!"

She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently.

"Are you still good in bed?" With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"

Sad But Funny... Read & Share

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone.

He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain, and as it was still early, she decided to go to the party.

In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.

She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.

His wife came up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived.

She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband.

Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little fun.

Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had. He said, “Oh the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you’re not there.”

Then she asked, “Did you dance much?”

He replied, “I’ll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the then and played poker all evening.

But I’ll tell you… the guy I loaned my costume to, sure had a real good time!

Very Very Funny.. Must Read

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her 40th birthday. "I'd love to be six again," she replied.

On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park.

What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear, everything there was! Wow!

Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down.

Right to a McDonald's they went, where her husband ordered her a Happy Meal along with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake.

Then, it was off to a movie - the latest Disney and what a fabulous adventure!

Finally, she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed.

He leaned over and lovingly asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being six again?" One eye opened.

"You idiot, I meant my dress size."

The moral of this story is: When a woman speaks and a man is actually listening, he will still get it wrong

Real Funny Story.. Very Very Funny!!

Must Read and Share to Everyone..

In a factory: A man standing on the floor and looking aimlessly.
CEO of that factory came and asked his salary,
Man replied "5000 sir"

CEO took out his wallet and gave 15000 and told him,
"I pay people here to work and not to waste time, This is your 3 months salary.
Now get out of here. Never come back"

That guy left..
Then CEO asked workers "Who was that guy?"

Workers replied, "Courier Boy Sir.."

Moral: Don't overreact in every situation

Beer VS Women

A Beer is always wet, a woman is not….1 point for beer!

Beer is horrible, when it is hot…. 1 point for women!

A cold beer satisfies you…. 1 point for beer!

For a beer, you pay taxes…. 1 point for women!

If you drink a second beer, the first one doesn’t get angry…. 1 point for beer!

You can always be sure that, you are the first one opening a beer…. 1 point for beer!

If you shake a beer, after a while it calms down by itself…. 1 point for beer!

You know exactly how much a beer costs…. 1 point for beer!

A beer does not have a mother…. 1 point for beer!

A beer won’t ask you to hug her for half an hour after having it…. 1 point for beer!

So the Score is…… Beer beats women 8 to 2!!!

If you’re a guy, enjoy this message.. If you are a girl reading this and getting angry, know that a beer would never get angry……1 point for beer

TEMPER CONTROL

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag

of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the fence.

The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence.

Over the next few weeks as he learned to control his anger,

 the number of nails hammered daily, gradually dwindled down.

 He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.

 Finally the day came when the boy didn’t lose his temper at all.

 He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy

 now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper.

The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father

that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and

 led him to the fence. He said “you have done well, my son,

 but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same.

 When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one.”

You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won’t matter

 how many times you say I’m sorry, the wound is still there.

Make sure you control your temper the next time you are tempted

to say something you will regret later , coz spoken words once out never come back....

Funny Dog

A lost dog strays into a jungle. A lion sees this from a distance and

 says with caution "this guy looks edible, never seen his kind before".

 So the lion starts rushing towards the dog with menace. The dog notices 

and starts to panic but as he's about to run he sees some bones next

 to him and gets an idea and says

 loudly "mmm...that was some good lion meat!". 

The lion abruptly stops and says "woah! This guy seems 

tougher then he looks, I better leave while I can".

 Over by the tree top, a monkey witnessed everything. 

Evidently, the monkey realizes the he can benefit from 

this situation by telling the lion and getting 

something in return. So the monkey proceeds to tell 

the lion what really happened and the lion says angrily

 "get on my back, we'll get him together". 

So they start rushing back to the dog. The dog sees them

and realized what happened and starts to panic even more. 

He then gets another idea and shouts "where the hell

 is that monkey! I told him to bring me another lion an hour ago..."

love my place; the grass is almost a foot high!"

Women Thinking.

A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her,

which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend.

This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way.

This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying,

 You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for,


but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis

 for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody

who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out,

we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you.

 But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.

New

Funny little Jonny

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and

you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little
Johnny.

"None, they all fly away with the first gunshot."

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
thinking."
Then Little Johnny says, "I have a question for YOU. There are three

women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking

the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling

down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of

the ice cream. Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well I suppose the one

that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."

"The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on... but I like
your thinking."

Very Very Funny Little Kid

A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling,

"If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull."

The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with,

 "If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant."

The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid,

 "What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!"

The kid smiles and says, "I would be a bus driver!"

Must Read

Last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. As our passion began to heat up she said, "I don't feel

like it. I just want you to hold me." I said, "WHAT?! What was that?!" She said, "You're just not in touch

with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She

responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in

the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The next day I took off

of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big department

store. I walked around with her as she tried on several very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one
to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to go with her new clothes, so I said,

"Let's get a pair for each outfit." We went on to the jewelry counter where she picked out a pair of diamond

earrings. She was so excited. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet. I

threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the

excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier." I

could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No baby, I don't feel like it." Her face went completely

blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?" I said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a

while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs
as a woman." Just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me
for who I am and not for the things I buy you?" Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either... but at least she
knows I'm smarter than her.

Married Buddies

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says,

 "You know, I don't know what else to do, whenever I go home after we've been out drinking,

I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway.

 I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house,

I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and

yells at me for staying out so late!"

His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach.

 I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps,

throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, slap her on the ass, grab her tit and say,

 'Aye bitch, you as horny as I am?' ... and she always acts like she's asleep!"

Four married guys

Four married guys went fishing. After an hour or so, the following conversation took place:

First guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend.

 I had to promise my wife I will paint every room in the house next weekend."

Second guy: "That's nothing! I had to promise my wife I'd build her a new deck for the pool."

Third guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I'll remodel the kitchen for her.

" They continued to fish, until they realized the fourth guy had not said a word. So they asked him.

 "You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come fishing this weekend.

 What's the deal?"

Fourth guy: "I just set my alarm for 5:30 am.

When it went off, I shut off the clock, gave my wife a nudge and said, "Fishing or Sex" and she said, "Wear a sweater."

Funny Little Jonny

Johnny moved to Texas and bought a donkey from a farmer for $100.00.

The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.

The next day he drove up and said,

 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died.'

 Johnny replied, 'Well, then just give me my money back.

' The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I went and spent it already.

' Chuck said, 'OK, then, just bring me the dead donkey.'

 The farmer asked, 'What are you going to do with him?

 Chuck said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.' The farmer said '

You can't raffle off a dead donkey!' Chuck said,

'Sure I can, watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'

A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked,

 'What happened with the dead donkey?' Chuck said,

'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars apiece and made a profit of $898.00.'

The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?' Chuck said, 'Just the guy who won.

 So I gave him his two dollars back.'

Funny Tom

Tom is cruising down the highway way over the speed limit. Cop pulls him over.
"Sorry officer, guess the speedometer got away from me. Happens every time I get hammered and try to drive home."
"What?! You're intoxicated?"
"Well I needed a stiff drink after I shot that guy! It's okay though, I managed to fit the body in the trunk."
"Sir, keep your hands where I can see them. Give me your license and registration right now."
"Well I would but it's in the glove box where I threw the gun, it's still pretty bloody and I don't want it to fall out until it's dried."
"Do. Not. Move. I'm calling for back-up."
Back-up gets there. Second officer gets out, and says
"Sir, please open your trunk."
Tom opens it. Clean as a whistle.
"Please show me your glove box."
Tom opens it. Clean as a whistle, along with his license and registration.
"I'll need you to take a breathalyzer."
Tom blows a .00
"Well what's going on? This officer said you had a dead body in the trunk, a bloody gun in the glove box and were drunk."
Tom says,
"Ha, I bet he said I was speeding, too."

A Professor explained Marketing to MBA students

1. You see gorgeous girl in party,

you go to her & say I am rich

marry me

That's Direct Marketing.

2. You attend party & your friend

goes to a girl & pointing at you

tells her, He' is very rich, marry

him..

" That's Advertising"

3. Girl walks to you & says u are

rich, can u marry me?

"That's Brand Recognition"

4. You say I m very rich marry me

& she slaps u

"That's Customer Feedback"

5. You say I m very rich marry me

& she introduces you to her

husband

"That's Demand & Supply Gap"

6. Before you say I m rich, marry

me, your wife arrives

That's Restriction from Entering

New Market ..

John in THERE

A 35 year woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work in London. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bed room closet to watch. The woman’s husband also comes home at the same time. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, “John in here.”

The man says, “Yes, it is”

Boy ” I have a baseball.”

Man “That’s nice”

Boy “Want to buy it?”

Man “No, thanks”

Boy “My dad's outside…”

Man “O.K. – How much?”

Boy “$250?

In a few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together because woman's husband also came home at the same time.

Boy “John in here”

Man “ Yes, it is.”

Boy “I have a baseball glove”

The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy,

“How much?”

Boy “$750?

Man “Sold!”

A few days later the father says to the boy, “Grab your glove, let’s go outside and play a game of catch.The boy says, “I can’t, I sold my baseball and my glove.” The father asks, “How much did you sell them for?” Boy ” $ 1,000? The father says, “That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that… that is way more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to church and make you confess.”

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door. The boy says, “John in here”. The priest says, “Don’t start that shit again, you’re in my closet now.

New CEO Wanted

Once a chairmen was confused in selecting his company`s new CEO as every contender was equally experienced and had near to same accomplishments.They all were young energetic and well qualified. To chose the best among them, he decided to take a test.

One day he called every one of them at his home.And took them on tour of his opulent mansion. In the back of the property, the Chairmen has the largest swimming pool any of them has ever seen.The huge pool, however, was filled with hungry alligators, with lots of sharp nails and wires in it.

The Chairmen said to his executives "I think an executive should be measured by courage. Courage is what made me Rich. So this is my challenge to each of you: if anyone has enough courage to dive into the pool, swim through those alligators, and make it to the other side, I will give that person anything they desire. My job, my money, my house, anything!"

Everyone laughs at the outrageous offer and proceeds to follow the Chairmen on the tour of the

estate. Suddenly, they hear a loud splash. Everyone turns around and sees the CFO (Chief Financial Officer) in the pool, swimming for his life.

He dodges the alligators left and right and makes it to the edge of the pool with seconds to spare.He pulls himself out just as a huge alligator snaps at his shoes.His shirt was torn, pant had a mark of alligator`s tooth.

The flabbergasted Chairman approached the CFO and says, "You are amazing. I've never seen

anything like it in my life. You are brave beyond measure and anything I own is yours. Tell me what I can do for you.

The CFO, panting for breath, looks up and yelled, "leave everything...Just  tell me who the hell pushed me in the pool.